7 Moments We Don’t Want to See Mike Tyson Reenact

If you haven’t sent Spike Lee a thank you card in awhile, now’s your chance. Mike Tyson is headed to Broadway to star in a one-man Spike Lee joint, called Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth. Tyson’s wife scripted the show of anecdotes about the heavyweight champion’s life; Lee calls it a “roller coaster of human emotion.” Tyson has been named the hardest hitter in heavyweight history, and there’s no truth to dispute about that — of the boxer’s first 19 fights, all were won by knockout, with 12 of those occurring in the first round. And of his 50 career fights (more than Ali, Foreman, Holyfield, Lewis, Frazier, and Liston), he won a whopping 44 by knockout. It’s sure to be a heavyweight retrospective, but this boxer’s had more than a few technical fouls. From prostitutes to pigeons, check out the seven moments from Tyson’s life that don’t belong on stage. Break a leg, Spike and Mike!

  1. Prostitute Hunting

    On the Today Show, Mike Tyson and Spike Lee were interviewed about their upcoming Broadway project. When speaking about sober and vegan living, Tyson referred to himself as a former “prostitute hunter.” That’s a mental image you can’t un-see.

  2. Venereal Disease

    Tyson also exposed on Today that he had “too many venereal diseases,” and went on to explain how difficult it was to have to sleep with his prostitute girlfriend every time she came home from a trip. Sorry, Mike. Can you just talk about Punch Out!! some more? No one wants to see you: get VD, have VD, learn that you have VD, or get rid of VD. Take your Cipro on the sly, Tyson — just like everyone else.

  3. Rape

    In 1991, 18-year-old Desiree Washington accused Mike Tyson of rape. After an extremely public trial, where a defensive, standoffish Tyson took the stand, he was convicted of rape on Feb. 10, 1992. He served three years of a six-year prison sentence before being released on probation.

  4. Impregnating A Prison Official While Being Incarcerated

    How much sex can one man have? Has the heavyweight champion learned that quality trumps quantity? Tyson has been married several times, and has eight children with almost as many partners. But this one is one for the boxer’s books: while an inmate in prison, Tyson impregnated a prison official. What happens in jail stays in jail, right? Do it for America’s sake, Mike.

  5. Biting Off Holyfield’s Ear

    He’s a man of many stunts, but 1997 saw Tyson become infamous. During the pair’s championship rematch, billed as “The Sound and The Fury,” Tyson bit off a chunk of heavyweight Evander Holyfield’s right ear. Catapulting him from superstar to stuff of legend, it’s an indisputable truth. But not one we’d like to see recreated on a Broadway stage.

  6. Pigeon Farming

    Mike Tyson had a reality show on Animal Planet called Taking On Tyson, where he raises homing pigeons for racing. His birds, much like Celebrity Rehab and brothel alumna Heidi Fleiss, are his therapy. Though “Mike Tyson found atop roof befriending sky rats” is a hell of a headline, it’s not a scene we care to see in Undisputed Truth.

  7. Getting A Face Tattoo

    Because nobody wants to see that. Tattoos are uncomfortable to get, and difficult to watch become. And because he might get sued — when Ed Helms awoke groggily in The Hangover 2 with some Tyson-inspired face art, the champion’s original artist sued. No one wants to get served while dishing out a Broadway hit.

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